FAMILY AND CHILD ABUSE
Loving, happy and healthy children are a gift from God and a wonderful future.
Families in our society today are faced with many different things. Ranging from family illness like Alzheimer's, ADD/ADHD, Separation Anxiety Disorder, and more; to Divorce, Abuse, and other dysfunctional issues. Anyone of these can cause turmoil in a family and many times there is more than one of these things at a time.
We hear the term "dysfunctional family" a lot. Many times, however, this dysfunctional family can become a functional family with better communication skills and a little guidance and counseling - family therapy. Learning how to cope with different personalities and struggles can often make a magnitude of difference in how a family functions together. Every family, regardless of how perfect that they seem, has some sort of struggle. If you have a family -- which everyone does in some manner -- you are bound to have difficult times. You and your family are not in this alone!
Traits to look for in an abuser:
- Controlling Behavior: An abuser will say he/she is concerned about your safety. The person may become angry if the spouse is late and may question closely about where their partner went, who they talked to, etc. As this progresses, the abuser may not allow their spouse to make personal decisions, will tell her/him what to wear, or may refuse to allow the spouse to have any access to money and they may demand permission for the spouse to leave their house.
- Jealousy: At the beginning of the relationship the abuser may say that jealousy is a sign of love. Jealousy is a sign of insecurity and has nothing to do with love. The abuser may accuse the partner of flirting, a question as to whom they have been talking to, be jealous of time spent with family, or friends. He/she may refuse to let him/ her work, check the car mileage or call frequently and drop by unexpectedly to check on him/her.
- Quick Involvement: Many times, abusers will come on like a whirlwind --- "Love at first sight". He/She will be very flattering saying they have "never loved like this before", or "You are the only person for me, the only person I could ever talk to". The abuser needs someone, anyone desperately, and will go to great lengths to pressure that person to commit to the relationship.
- Isolation: The abuser will try to cut the person off from all of their resources. When they spend time with friends, thy are a "homosexual" or when with friends of the opposite sex they are a "slut", "whore" or "pimp". The abuser may not allow them to use the car or refuse to allow them to go to work or school.
- Unrealistic Expectations: Many abusers expect their partners to be the perfect parent, lover, and spouse. They will say things like "I'm all you need if you really love me".
- Blames others for their feelings or problems: The abuser may say "You make me mad", "If you wouldn't make me so angry, I wouldn't have to hit you". The abuser will tell the abused it is their fault if they lose their job, gets a DUI, abuses the children, etc.
- Playful Use of Force During Sex: An abuser may show little concern about whether the abused wants to have sex. They may pout or become angry to manipulate them into compliance. The abuser may have sex with the abused when they are ill, sleeping, or tired. He/She may throw them down and hold them down during sex.
Types of abuse:
- Verbal Abuse: The abuser often degrades, curses, puts down the abused accomplishments. He/She may tell them they are stupid and cannot survive without them. He/She may wake them in the middle of the night to verbal abuse or "accuse" them.
- Abuse of children or animals: Abusers may expect children to be able to do much more than they are capable of for their age such as whipping a toddler for wetting their pants. Approximately 60% of abusers also abuse their children.
- Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde Personality: The abuser may have sudden changes in mood which can be very confusing. One minute they are happy, the next sad, the next angry.
- Threatening Violence: Abusers may threaten physical force in order to intimidate their partner. They may make excuses for their behavior by telling the abused "Everybody talks like that".
- Physical Abuse: Holding the abused down, restraining them, shoving or punishing them. The abuser may push them down or against a wall and say, "You are going to listen to me".
- Breaking or Hitting Things: Often an abuser punishes their partner by breaking their possessions, throwing objects at or near them, beating walls, tables, etc., in order to intimidate and threaten them.